Giving up slowly.

It sucks seeing the people you love the most going through tough times and wanting to be there for them, but not being able to.

It makes me want to quit, just give up. Her sadness makes me sad. I wish I could hold her and tell her things will get better, then take her out for ice cream to cheer her up. I like her smile, I like seeing her laugh. But things are too awkward now, she told me she doesnt want that kind of relationship.

As I sit here talking with the few real friends I have left, telling them my story they tell me "She is an idiot for not liking someone as amazing as you" Deja Vu huh? I tell them she said the exact same thing before I really liked her, when I was turned down by another girl.

I want to give her so much more than what we had as friends.

Just friends is a sad place... Just friendLY is an even worse one. Not being able to comfort the ones I care about is excruciating. A friend told me that she is probably just ready to be done with me and our friendship, and everything about me. I have caused too much drama, and pain, and I am probably just getting annoying.

I would say I am more of a mix between annoying and sappy...

"And as the light fades from my eyes, I smile, but don't know why" -Black Dirt, Sea Wolf