I woke up...

...and wished that I was dead.

I pray every day that I won't survive the events the week has to offer.

Maybe I will get hit by a truck, or choke on a chicken bone, or have a piano fall on my head.

I wish that I had hit that jetski harder.

I salute those brave souls who are able to end their lives themselves, that takes a lot of guts.

I don't know what to do to get over her anymore... I have tried asking other girls out (only to be rejected of course). I've tried not thinking about it, I've tried talking about it.

Every day is just coping, praying for death while trying to get by with as little pain as possible.

I don't care about much anymore... I can't even sit down and watch a movie all the way through.

I never wanted to be this way, I was always at least, mostly happy. I wasnt even this miserable after Rebekah's rejection. So there are two conclusions I can come up with... Either I really did Love her, or her rejection just broke me.

It has been almost six months, and I am still not close to being better. Thoughts of her drift into my head, and when I think about her giving other guy's chances, I feel like the only thing I can do is tear myself out of my skin, and I feel such incredible pain... everywhere.

When I ask other girls if they would ever even consider going out with a guy they considered as a friend they all say "yes". One even said she gave a guy she only thought of as a friend a chance and they dated for two years... They ended up breaking up, but still remained good friends.

I don't know anymore, losing hope sucks. Realizing that he is a better man than me, sucks... I mean, he must be right? she gave him a shot but not me.... I have cried more these past few months than I have in the past three years.

I feel like my time here on earth is done, and I am just waiting for God to remember he was supposed to kill me off awhile ago and just forgot.